9 Reasons Why You Can’t Be My Life Coach

Photo credit: Joe Houghton

Recently, one of my long-time friends saw an inspirational post I'd published and asked me if I had ever thought of becoming a life coach.  She noted that for as long as she's known me (since college) I've always been interested in self-improvement and that others would benefit from my insight and experiences.  Of course I was flattered by the suggestion, especially since she's a successful therapist; but life coaching is not something I feel qualified to do.  Moreover, although I believe that helping others live an optimal life is an admirable goal, I'm not convinced that the trend toward life-coaching is the best way to help.

To profess to have mastered life to the point of feeling capable of coaching others on the art of living is a bold statement.  One had better be prepared to live up to it.  It wouldn't matter much to me if my financial advisor had never been married, or if my career counselor could stand to lose a few pounds (so could I), but I expect a life coach to have it all together.  I also expect her to have lived through significant character-building circumstances and to offer advice from first hand experience.

My friend’s comment made me think about what I would look for in a life coach, but I found it was easier to think about who wouldn't qualify.  You wouldn't be my life coach if:

1. You're not at least in your 40's
It goes without saying that a certain level of maturity is required to be a life coach and most people aren't there by 25.  In our thirties, we tend to think we've got it all figured out, but not until our forties do we realize we don't have all the answers.  Making peace with that fact is the beginning of true wisdom.  I know I'm speaking in generalities, but those over 40 are probably nodding in agreement.

2. You have never been happily married for at least 20 years
If you have no interest in getting married, this probably doesn't matter much; but, a long-lasting, healthy and happy marriage is a goal  many of us hope to achieve.  It's a major accomplishment to have a successful marriage that lasts a few decades— one that shows an ability to self-correct, adapt, be vulnerable and develop emotional maturity and intimacy.

3. You have never been divorced
For those of us who have lived through divorce, we know that life before, during and after the end of a marriage carries a unique set of challenges, particularly when children are involved.  The emotional strength needed to walk through that fire with your self-esteem intact is a herculean feat few who haven't themselves experienced it can fathom.  My parents have been married for over 50 years and they can coach me on a lot of things, but not on making a second marriage work and creating a successful blended family.

4. You have no sense of spirituality
To achieve our best self we must connect to the deepest part of who we are— our spirit.  A life coach who doesn't make the connection between mind, body and spirit is probably not seeing the big picture.

5. You are not succeeding in a career that you absolutely love
If you're spending most of your day at a "job" you dislike and life coaching is a side gig during which you're offering career counseling, that advice should be taken with a grain of salt.  Although many careers begin part-time, whatever you're doing to pay the bills should be your passion if you are to offer advice on how others can live out their dreams.

6. You haven’t raised children who are now well-adjusted adults
Although not all people choose to be parents, many of us have.  Surviving parenting through colic and the terrible twos is deserving of a medal, but you haven't yet earned your stripes until your once eye-rolling teenagers grow up and thank you for being the wind beneath their wings.

7. You haven’t battled a major life-threatening circumstance
We all know that sometimes bad things happen to good people, be it a serious health condition, financial devastation, or worse.  To have learned to move beyond "why me" to "what can I learn from this" means we've already won the battle, and that's very coach-worthy.

8. You aren’t financially savvy (even if you learned to be so the hard way)
If you read my article entitled Why I Love Money, you already know that developing a healthy mindset toward money is necessary for financial success.  A life coach who's stressing about where his next client is going to come from, probably shouldn't be offering advice on fulfilling one's dream of becoming a millionaire.

9. You’re not physically fit
As mentioned above, someone capable of wearing the title "life coach" should be aware of the mind-body-spirit connection.  Although the battle to stay fit is one many of us lose day after day, an effective life coach probably has this area under control through well-developed self-discipline and commitment.

There's an old proverb which says that even a stone can serve as a pointer ("make a left") but it takes a master who has walked the trail to be a teacher ("this is where I made a left").  Although many life coaches receive formal training and certification through well-respected educational institutions, many do not.  And, in this modern tech-savvy age in which just about anyone can set up a website overnight and be open for business the next morning, life coaches are popping up all over the web doling out advice as experts on living.  I often wonder how long this trend will persist before there is greater scrutiny.

If you are a life coach, I’d love to hear your perspective.